An open letter: You were the sentence I never wanted to End

At first, we sounded cliché. When our way of communicating was through the modernized version of exchanging messages.

You’ve lighten up the darkest side of my world. You’ve added excitement to my unadorned existence. Until we became the reason of our smiles when we look up to our messages. Your innocent way of asking how my day went, the unending apprising of your where, when, what and could’ve beens, the oldest yet lattermost saying of good morning/s and good night/s— we’ve shared.

We could have been finishing each other’s sentences but —. The moment you stopped the vibe between the exchange of our messages, i knew right at that moment, someone could be better and happier to talk to than me. It was right, I was right. That is why i knew that it should’ve ended there. You made it seem like this isn’t worth a shot anymore. It should’ve ended a long time ago — not until that day came.

We knew for a fact that some chances are worth a try. Be it second, third, fourth…. and so. Because love will always be beyond a risk. So we bestowed another try, without pondering if this time, maybe, our love was worth the probability. But for you I am just as shallow and unvalued as that.

This time, i knew it was a fearful phase. Our exchange of I Love You’s — a heartfelt word that lit up my hushed soul and flutter the butterflies inside me, that macerated my feeble heart. Turned into i hate you’s and good mornings swiveled into goodbyes.

They say that in our life time, we will be able to fall in love with three persons.

The first one— the one everyone called the “puppy love”. It was the simplest and most genuine kind of love. It is shallow, it’s for the sake of having someone for you to show to the society. It is even though, you think that you don’t feel quite right about being with that person, was beacuse it is what you thought what love was.

The second one — the most painful love. They say that in this phase, it is where obsessions take place. This is the love you thought will last, the love you deeply wished for a very long time. The love you thought was right even though it hurts because of lies and/or manipulations. This is the love you thought you’ve already made the right choices with inspite of those pain, but you are only repeating the mistakes you’ve done in the first one. It is somehow unhealthy, toxic and unbalanced, and that made you think you’re making the right decisions already but in reality you’re still making choices that weren’t supposed to be a choice in the first place. This is a cycle that you may want to keep on repeating, because somehow you are still hoping for a different ending. It is the love you wished was right.

The third one — the love you’ll never see coming. It is the love that looks so wrong to you, because this is not what you thought love was, this is not the love you envisioned and wished for. This is different. It is not the type of love that you could ever imagine because you never planned for it. It is where someone just seem to come along and everything just fits and follow without setting any standards, or acting uncomfortably, because it was just right. You are just simply accepted for who and what you are — and who you’ll become. This is the love that keeps on calling regardless of how long it would take for you to answer. This love is amazing. It is just right.

But for me, you are the first, second and the third. You are all that kind of love to me, you gave me all of the feelings one can feel. Because you were the love i wished for, the love i thought was right and the love i never saw coming. Love, I never regretted anything, i always thought that years are long, but i never knew that the weeks that we’ve been together was longer. I stopped. I prayed for this. We were happy. It was here, you were here. It happened. I continued praying for this. This time you weren’t here. It didn’t happened. But i know you’re happier— with her, again.

I love you and it hurts, but I love myself more. This time, I am choosing the right kind of love. Self love.

We could have been finishing each other’s sentences but — i was just a comma to add another story of us, and she was the period you always needed, wanted and waited to write down, for you to finally write an ending of us.